Royal Fizz

Royal Fizz
The Juice of 1/2 Lemon. (Juice 1/2 Meyer Lemon, Juice 1/2 Lime)
1/2 Tablespoonful Powdered Sugar. (1 TBSP Rich Simple Syrup)
1 Glass Gin. (2 oz Junipero Gin)
1 Egg. (1 Egg)
Shake well, strain into medium size glass and fill with syphon soda water.

Yet another Fizz from Hugo Ensslin’s 1916 “Recipes for Mixed Drinks”, about this Fizz he says, “Made same as plain Gin Fizz, adding the whole of one Egg.”

I do think a whole egg is a little much, with modern eggs as large as they are. Suggest hunting down “Medium” eggs or even just using half a Large or Extra-Large Egg.

Like cream drinks, whole egg drinks sometimes draw the askance look from those perusing the book.

Personally, I like Flips and their Citrus laden brethern, the Egg Sour and Royal Fizz. Heck, even the ones with just Egg Yolks, like the Bosom Caresser are kind of nice.

Well, as they say, your mileage may vary.

This post is one in a series documenting my ongoing effort to make all of the drinks in the Savoy Cocktail Book, starting at the first, Abbey, and ending at the last, the, uh, Sauterne Cup.

Peach Blow Fizz

Peach Blow Fizz
The Juice of 1/2 Lemon or 1 Lime (Juice 1/2 Lemon AND juice 1/2 Lime)
4 Mashed Strawberries. (6 Mashed Raspberries)
1/2 Tablespoonful Powdered Sugar. (Generous Tablespoon Rich Simple Syrup)
1 Tablespoonful Sweet Cream. (1 Tablespoon Heavy Whipping Cream)
1 Glass Dry Gin. (2 oz Plymouth Gin)
Shake well, strain into medium size glass and fill with syphon soda water.

Another of the Fizzes sourced from Hugo Ensslin’s 1916 “Recipes for Mixed Drinks”, the original recipe is slightly different from the Savoy Cocktail Book:

Peach Blow Fizz: Juice ½ Lime; Juice ½ Lemon; 4 Strawberries, mashed up; 1 teasponful Powdered Sugar; 1 drink Gin; 1 Pony Cream. Made and served as directed for plain Gin Fizz.

Again you see Ensslin calling for more than one type of citrus. His recipe also calls for a bit more cream, generally a “Pony” is considered an ounce.

The Peach Blow Fizz is one of those puzzling cocktails. First off, there’s the whole “Blow” thing, that, as far as I know nobody really understands. Second there’s the “Peach” thing. Why is this a “Peach Blow Fizz” without any peaches?

I have no idea.

What I can tell you is, the Peach Blow Fizz is a delicious species of Fizz.

The cream sometimes freaks people, well men, out. One Savoy Cocktail Book night, a friend was in and interested in Savoy Cocktails with Strawberries. He’d tried the Bloodhound and I’d garnished his King Cole with Strawberries (Fernet and Strawberries, a great combination, by the way) and was looking for a Third drink before calling it a night. I mentioned the Peach Blow Fizz, and he said, “Oooh, that has cream, doesn’t it?” So that was a no go.

Anyway, I think I ended up making a non-strawberry drink, Jabberwock or something, but I was a little sad he didn’t man up and just drink the pink fruity concoction. It’s not like it has a lot of Cream, or anything. It’s no Grasshopper or Brandy Alexander.

Oh, yeah, Raspberries. I forgot to buy strawberries, so substituted frozen raspberries this time. A change I do heartily recommend.

Tasty, pink, fruity, and boozy, it’s actually a pretty serious drink, for all its girliness.

Heh, one of these days, I’m going to have to try it out when I get an order for a Gin and citrus Bartender’s choice, not too sweet. I bet they’ll love it.

This post is one in a series documenting my ongoing effort to make all of the drinks in the Savoy Cocktail Book, starting at the first, Abbey, and ending at the last, the, uh, Sauterne Cup.

Orgeat Fizz

Orgeat Fizz
The Juice of 1/2 Lemon. (Juice 1/2 Meyer Lemon, Juice 1/2 Lime)
1 Liqueur Glass Orgeat. (1 1/2 oz Small Hand Foods Orgeat)
Shake well strain into medium size glass and fill with soda water.

Now, I normally say a “plain fizz” is composed of Spirits, Lemon or lime, Sweetener, and Soda water.

The Orgeat Fizz gives lie to that formula by leaving out the spirits altogether!

To be honest, prior to getting to this section of the book, I made this non-alcoholic drink all the time, maybe with a dash of Bitters or Absinthe for variety, on “alcohol free days”. It is very tasty!

However, one word of warning, I have had some problems occasionally. Some manufacturers include thickeners, (like Xanthan Gum, aka Cabbage Slime,) in their orgeat. These manufacturers do this to discourage the almond oils and solids from falling out of suspension. With these products, especially when just building an Orgeat Fizz, instead of shaking it, the thickened Orgeat sometimes forms capsules instead of mixing nicely with the soda water. Something about the citrus, almond fats, Xanthan Gum, and soda. Ends up being kind of gross, with little globules of Orgeat floating in your drink instead of the syrup being evenly distributed. Not good eats.

This post is one in a series documenting my ongoing effort to make all of the drinks in the Savoy Cocktail Book, starting at the first, Abbey, and ending at the last, the, uh, Sauterne Cup.

Orange Fizz

Orange Fizz
The Juice of 1/2 Orange. (Juice 1 Tangerine)
The Juice of 1/4 Lemon or 1/2 Lime. (Juice 1 Meyer Lemon)
1 Glass Dry Gin. (2 oz Leopold’s Gin)
(1 tsp. Rich Simple Syrup)
Shake well, strain into medium size glass and fill with syphon soda.

Another of the many Savoy Fizzes which seem to stem from Hugo Ensslin’s 1916 “Recipes for Mixed Drinks”, Ensslin gives the recipe as, “Juice ½ Orange; Juice ½ Lime; Juice ½ Lemon; Drink El Bart Gin. Made and served as directed for plain Gin Fizz.”

Ensslin’s Fizzes are very interesting, at least to me, for their use of multiple citrus. In this case, you’ve got Lemon, Lime, and Orange. Outside of so called “Exotic Drinks” you rarely see such variety of citrus called for in drink recipes. Interesting that Ensslin’s recipes pre-date the whole Exotic drink movement by about 30 years. Unlike Vic or Don, in 1916 New York City he probably wasn’t calling on a nostalgia for time spent in the South Sea or the Caribbean for these drinks. Makes you wonder where the inspiration came from.

I did slightly switch up the juices. I only had a Tangerine and some Meyer Lemons. Figured a whole Tangerine amounts to about the juice of a half orange.

Some friends have an enormous Meyer Lemon tree in their back yard which they think must date back at least to the 1940s. It is very nearly weighted down year round with a bumper crop of 100s of lemons. The peels are wonderfully fragrant, much more so than most super market Meyer Lemons, and the juice a tad more acidic than I usually expect from Meyers. I figured the juice of one medium size Meyer Lemon about equaled the souring power of the juice of 1/2 Lemon and 1/2 Lime.

Ensslin neglects to mention any sweetener in this recipe and I’m not sure if it is assumed from the direction, “Made and served as directed for plain Gin Fizz.”

However, I couldn’t quite hang with NO sweetener for the Orange Fizz. If you can, you’re a better man (or woman) than I.

An enjoyable, refreshing drink, I wouldn’t scold you if you embellished this with a touch of bitters, but on the other hand, with great citrus and a light hand on the soda and sweetener, it’s hard to argue with it on a hot day.

This post is one in a series documenting my ongoing effort to make all of the drinks in the Savoy Cocktail Book, starting at the first, Abbey, and ending at the last, the, uh, Sauterne Cup.

New Orleans Fizz

Get home, prep for Gemelli with Chard and Hot Italian Sausage. Prep done, whip up the New Orleans Fizz, aka Ramos Gin Fizz.

New Orleans Gin Fizz
The Juice of 1/2 Lemon. (Juice 1/2 Lemon, Juice 1/2 Lime)
1/2 Tablespoonful Powdered Sugar. (generous 1 TBSP Rich Simple Syrup)
The White of 1 Egg. (1 Egg White)
1 Glass of Dry Gin. (2 oz Plymouth Gin)
3 Dashes Fleur d’Orange. (1/2 tsp Orange Flower Water)
1 Tablespoonful of Sweet Cream. (1 TBSP Whipping Cream)
Shake well, strain into long tumbler and fill with syphon soda water.

One of the most iconic drinks of New Orleans, the Ramos Fizz is just a rather elaborate Gin Fizz. Instead of just including Cream or Egg White, it includes Cream AND Egg white.

Legendarily, Henry Ramos used to have a line of drink shakers standing on hand, each to do a portion of the shaking of the drink, it needs to be shaken so well and so long.

I did my best, giving it almost a full minute of shaking, making for a somewhat tedious video.

Well, you had New Orleans legend Mr. Dave Bartholomew to listen to while I was shaking, so how can you complain too much?

Finish making pasta:

This post is one in a series documenting my ongoing effort to make all of the drinks in the Savoy Cocktail Book, starting at the first, Abbey, and ending at the last, the, uh, Sauterne Cup.

Morning Glory Fizz

First, just a reminder that Sunday, July 31, 2011, is our monthly exercise in folly, Savoy Cocktail Book Night at Alembic Bar. If any of the cocktails, (they also have a great beer selection,) on this blog have captured your fancy, stop by after 6 and allow the skilled bartenders, (and me,) to make them for you. It is always a fun time.

Morning Glory Fizz
The Juice of 1/2 Lemon or 1 Lime. (Juice 1/2 Lemon, Juice 1/2 Lime)
1/2 Tablespoonful Powdered Sugar. (1 heaping teaspoon caster sugar)
The White of 1 Egg.
2 Dashes Absinthe (2 dash Absinthe Verte)
1 Glass Scotch Whisky (2 oz Highland Park 8, Gordon & MacPhail)
Shake well, strain into long tumbler and fill with syphon soda water.

The Morning Glory Fizz, (unrelated to the Morning Glory Cocktail,) is another Savoy Fizz from Hugo Ensslin’s 1916 “Recipes for Mixed Drinks”.
Interestingly, Ensslin gives the recipe as:

Juice of ½ Lime; Juice of ½ Lemon; 1 teasponful Powdered Sugar; White of 1 Egg; 2 dashes Absinthe; 1 drink Scotch Whiskey. Made and served as directed for Plain Gin Fizz.

While Ensslin suggests the juice of half a lemon and half a lime, the Savoy Cocktail Book suggests you choose between them, significantly altering the sweet/sour balance. I chose to follow Hugo Ensslin’s advice and found the results pleasant. Whether you will agree, I guess depends on where you fall on the whole, “not too sweet spectrum”.

As a drink maker, you have complete control over the level of sweetness in the drinks you make and it’s pretty easy to make the drinks you like. It’s more tricky when you have to figure out what someone else means by, “not too sweet”. I mean, almost no one ever asks for a Sweet Cocktail.

I remember one conversation I had that went something like:

Guest: If I asked you to make something with Baileys, what would you make?

Me: Unfortunately, we don’t have Bailey’s Irish Cream.

Guest: So you couldn’t make a White Russian?

Me: (Thinking: What? there’s no Bailey’s in a White Russian.) We do have cream and Coffee Liqueur, I would be happy to make you something similar to a White Russian.

Guest: Never mind, tell me about your cocktails. I don’t like anything too sweet.

Me: (Thinking: Same person who wants a White Russian with Bailey’s doesn’t like her cocktails too sweet? Does Not Compute.) Do you enjoy ginger flavor in a cocktail? I think you will find this cocktail refreshing and enjoyable.

I made her the Biarritz Monk Buck, a Brandy Cocktail with Lemon, Ginger and Yellow Chartreuse. She enjoyed it enough to thank me for my suggestion when her group was leaving the restaurant.

Ninety percent of the time, the challenge isn’t making the drinks, it’s interpreting from the guest what they really want.

I use the word “interpret” because there’s a lot of jargon around mixed drinks and bartending which I am nominally fluent in, such that it’s practically a dialect of its own, but I can’t really expect guests to understand. “Up”, “Rocks”, “Dry”, “Perfect”, “Sweet”, “Dirty”, etc.

But my idea of a “not too sweet” cocktail is often a long distance from what a guest might mean. If anything, all the cocktails I make, that aren’t after dinner stickies, fall into the category of “not too sweet”. Generally a guest isn’t going to want a cocktail any less sweet than the recipes we make at either place I sometimes tend bar.

But sometimes they do, I’ll make them a standard recipe for their first drink and they’ll say, “Could you make something a little less sweet for the next drink?” We even had one person at Alembic Savoy Nights who would always order a Crow Cocktail: 2/3 Bourbon, 1/3 Lemon, but ask for it without even the dash of Grenadine. Now that’s a Whiskey Sour! But more commmonly, I’ll get “That was good but a little too tart for me, could you make something a little sweeter”.

Either way, it’s not hard to tweak recipes a little this way or that, the hard part is making the guest comfortable enough that they feel like they can ask for what they want. While there are undoubtedly bars and establishments in San Francisco which employ a sort of S&M ethic to their customer relations, it’s not my thing. I would prefer that we all make it to the end of the night a little happier than when we started. No whips, no chains, and minimal scarring.

And, well, unless you are a Scotch Whisky Stickler, a Morning Glory Fizz with Highland Park 8, is a fine start. Think of it as a slightly peaty Rattlesnake, don’t worry about the bite. The cocktail doesn’t, and neither do I.

This post is one in a series documenting my ongoing effort to make all of the drinks in the Savoy Cocktail Book, starting at the first, Abbey, and ending at the last, the, uh, Sauterne Cup.

Imperial Fizz

First, just a reminder that Sunday, July 31, 2011, is our monthly exercise in folly, Savoy Cocktail Book Night at Alembic Bar. If any of the cocktails on this blog have captured your fancy, (they also have a great beer selection,) stop by after 6 and allow the skilled bartenders, (and me,) to make them for you. It is always a fun time.

Imperial Fizz
The Juice of 1/2 Lemon.
1/3 Rum.
2/3 Canadian Club or Scotch Whisky.
1/2 Tablespoonful Sugar.
Shake well, strain into medium size glass and fill with syphon soda water.

Another Fizz from Hugo Ensslin’s 1916 “Recipes for Mixed Drinks”, Ensslin gives the recipe as follows:

1/3 St. Croix Rum; 2/3 Whiskey; 4 dashes Lemon Juice; Juice ½ Lime. Shake well in a mixing glass with cracked ice, strain into a fizz glass and fill up with carbonated water or any sparkling water desired.

A few Savoy Recipes have called for “St. Croiix Rum.” I’ve never really seen much differential to using Cruzan or any other modern Rum from St. Croix. The Cruzan Single Barrel is a nice Rum, but there isn’t really anything in particular it brings to a drink. Or at least enough to justify calling for “St. Croix Rum” in particular.

However, once when I was talking to Martin Cate, (of Rum paradise Smuggler’s Cove) about this issue, he suggested he’d had good results using Spiced Rum when St. Croix Rum is called for. Well, if Martin Cate suggests it, I’ll give it a try. Besides, as this drink has no sweetener, it might be nice to use a sweetened product like most Spiced Rums.

Hey, some company promoting Kraken Spiced Rum was even kind enough to send me a bottle…

Damn! I was really hoping for a rubber squid.

Imperial Fizz

1 1/2 oz Macallan Cask Strength Scotch Whiskey
3/4 oz Kraken Spiced Rum
Light squeeze, juice 1/2 Lemon
Juice 1/2 Small Lime

Shake well in a mixing glass with cracked ice, strain into a fizz glass and fill up with carbonated water or any sparkling water desired.

Yeah, that is not very sweet at all. I believe I over estimated the sweetening power of spiced rum!

And, yes, in the video you can see the problem with using a soda syphon shortly after charging it. The CO2 does not have a chance to dissolve properly, so the first squirt is always too charged.

So this is pretty, “Meh”. A definite waste of perfectly good Scotch. Even stirring a little simple syrup into this, it was pretty blah. The Kraken Spiced Rum and Macallan Scotch aren’t a particularly interesting combination.

But I was thinking about this, and thinking I was just playing it too safe. If you’re going to do something, why not do it all the way? Go Big or Go Home!

Islay Imperial Fizz

1 1/2 oz Laphroaig 10
1/2 oz St. Elizabeth’s Allspice Dram
Couple Dashes lemon Juice
Juice 1/2 small lime
dash Rich Simple Syrup

Shake well in a mixing glass with cracked ice, strain into a fizz glass and fill up with carbonated water or any sparkling water desired.

I may be on crack, but there is some real promise here. It’s kind of like a cross between Erik Adkins’ Rhum Agricole Punch and Sam Ross’ Penicillin. This is not bad, not bad at all. It’s lacking a little in middle flavors, but the combination of Smoky, Peaty Islay Scotch and Allspice Dram is kind of awesome. Definitely worthy of further experimentation!

Music in the first video clip from Efrim Manuel Menuck’s new recording, “Plays High Gospel,” maybe my current favorite CD. Music in the second video clip is from Craig Taborn’s new solo piano CD, “Avenging Angel”.

This post is one in a series documenting my ongoing effort to make all of the drinks in the Savoy Cocktail Book, starting at the first, Abbey, and ending at the last, the, uh, Sauterne Cup.

Grand Royal Fizz

Grand Royal Fizz
The Juice of 1/2 Lemon. (Juice 1/2 Lemon, Juice 1/2 Lime)
1/2 Tablespoonful Powdered Sugar. (Uh, ooops, forgot)
1 Glass Gin. (2 oz Plymouth Gin)
2 Dashes Maraschino. (1 tsp. Luxardo Maraschino Liqueur)
The Juice of 1/4 Orange. (Juice 1/4 Orange)
1 Tablespoonful Sweet Cream. (1/4 oz Heavy Cream)
Shake well, strain into medium size glass and fill with syphon soda water.

Another recipe from Hugo Ensslin’s 1916, “Recipes for Mixed Drinks” 1916-1917, he gives the recipe as, “Made same as plain Gin Fizz, adding: 1 dash Maraschino; 3 dashes Orange Juice; ½ pony Cream.”

Again, Mr. Ensslin’s recipe for the Gin Fizz is as follows:

Gin Fizz
Juice of ½ Lime;
Juice ½ Lemon;
1 tablespoon of Powdered Sugar;
1 drink Dry Gin.

Shake well in a mixing glass with cracked ice, strain into fizz glass, fill up with carbonated or any sparkling water desired.

OK, I forgot the extra “Powdered Sugar”. Oops. Anyway, this was nicely tart without the extra sweetener. I take back my previous comment about tasting like Yoghurt being a bad thing.

Anyway, this is kind of like a Ramos (aka New Orleans) Fizz without the Egg White and with Maraschino Liqueur instead of Orange Flower Water. To be honest, I’m not sure any of those things are exactly bad. While Luxardo Maraschino is a little finicky, it’s nowhere near the problem ingredient that Orange Flower Water can be. Even with the Cream, Mrs. Flannestad approved of the Grand Royal Fizz.

Though the last time we did a “Grand Royal” drink, it was the “Grand Royal Clover Club” (Made by Ms. Josey Packard at Alembic Bar way back in April of 2008!) and it included a whole egg, not cream. Savoy Cocktail Book, inconsistent as ever.

This post is one in a series documenting my ongoing effort to make all of the drinks in the Savoy Cocktail Book, starting at the first, Abbey, and ending at the last, the, uh, Sauterne Cup.

Golden Fizz

Golden Fizz
The Juice of 1/2 Lemon. (Juice 1/2 Lemon, Juice 1/2 Lime)
1/2 Tablespoonful Powdered Sugar. (2 tsp Caster Sugar)
1 Glass Gin. (2 oz Ransom Old Tom Gin)
The Yolk of 1 Egg. (1 Farm Fresh Egg Yolk)
Shake well, strain into medium size glass and fill with syphon soda water.

As with most of the Fizzes, the Savoy Cocktail Book editors probably got the recipe for the Golden Fizz from Hugo Ensslin’s 1916 “Recipes for Mixed Drinks”. In his book, Ensslin gives the recipe as, “Made same as plain Gin Fizz, adding the yolk of an egg.”

Here’s Ensslin’s recipe for the Gin Fizz from the Cocktail Kingdom reprint:

Gin Fizz
Juice of ½ Lime;
Juice ½ Lemon;
1 tablespoon of Powdered Sugar;
1 drink Dry Gin.

Shake well in a mixing glass with cracked ice, strain into fizz glass, fill up with carbonated or any sparkling water desired.

The interesting thing about Ensslin’s recipe for the “Plain Gin Fizz” is that he uses both Lemon and Lime in the drink! Well, interesting is, I suppose, relative, but the additional tart citrus does make the sugar amounts and dilution in the Fizz recipes a bit more sensible.

Anyway, I’ve been ignoring the lemon-lime combo information up until now, (I was out of limes,) but I thought it was finally time to put it into play with the Golden Fizz.

When I mentioned this to someone they said, “Are you kidding, that’s Sour Mix!” Well, it’s not really, it’s just that Lemons and Limes bring different things to the party. Lemons are more sour, limes are more bitter and aromatic. Put them together, especially with Gin, and you get a sum greater than the parts!

You give it a try some time with a Sour or Fizz and let me know if you don’t think it elevates a somewhat plain drink.

As we discussed in the Gin Fizz post, when you add Egg White to a Fizz, you get a Silver Fizz. When you add Egg Yolk you, naturally, get a Golden Fizz. Richer, fuller, more unctuous. Not an every day refreshing fizz, to be sure, but a satisfying beverage of a different sort.

Music in the video is from the Lean Left Album, “The Ex Guitars meet Nilssen-Love/Vandermark Duo, Vol. 2″.

This post is one in a series documenting my ongoing effort to make all of the drinks in the Savoy Cocktail Book, starting at the first, Abbey, and ending at the last, the, uh, Sauterne Cup.

Suffering Mixologist

You know what, the Suffering Bastard just isn’t really a very good drink. Bourbon, Gin, Lime, Angostura, and Ginger Beer?

Sounds about as bad as the hangover it was supposed to be curing.

But, as mixologists, I think we can do something about this, but we’ll need to plan ahead a bit.

I think we’re looking at about a year process, from start to finish.

First begin by aging your own Whiskey. Purchase a case of unaged whisky (White Dog) and a charred barrel. Both of these items are now for sale, conveniently, at many of your better liquor stores.

About 6 months in to your whisky aging process, you’ll want to start your gin. You can either go the infusion route, like Jeffrey Morgenthaler, or you can purchase a still and distill it yourself. Instructions for distillation are beyond the scope of this article, but there are many online forums which should be of help. You’ll be able to find all sorts of interesting spices and herbs at witchery stores and upscale groceries.

In either case, infusion or distillation, I suggest you discard the common knowledge about what a gin should be and feel free to improvise with whatever catches your fancy. Elderflower, go! Rangpur Lime, go! Lemon Verbena, why not?

Once your gin is ready, you’re going to want to pull your whiskey from the barrel, blend it with the gin, and return it to the barrel. The additional months, or years, you allow these spirits to marry will produce a truly superior end product.

About a month out from when you want to serve your cocktail, you’ll need to start the infusion for your bitters. Check any number of articles on doing this, from Jamie Boudreau to Robert Heugel. Once you’ve made your bitters, of course using a Buechner Funnel to vacuum filter them, you’ll want to again pull your gin and whisky from the barrel, add the bitters, and return the mixture to the barrel. I suggest erring on the side of generosity. Really, if it isn’t bitter, it isn’t a cocktail.

About this time, you’re going to want to start promoting your genius new version of the Suffering Bastard. I would suggest hiring a full time publicist and hitting the local bars. Maybe even take out a few ads in national papers or magazines. Of course you’ll want to attend the major trade shows, Tales of the Cocktail, Manhattan Cocktail Classic, etc. just to press the flesh and give that personal touch to your presence. You’re not just a brand, after all. Don’t forget to sponsor a few panels at these conferences. That kind of exposure, a bunch of drunk people in a hotel conference room, is worth its weight in gold.

After doing some publicity, you’ll probably have come onto the radar of the original creator of the drink, Trad’r Vick, and his organization. Be sure to ignore any and all communications from them. You are a drinks artist, not a business man, there’s no reason to talk to those suits.

Next you’ll need to make your Ginger Beer. After distilling your own gin, making ginger beer is a snap. Check this recipe from Good Eats: Making Ginger Beer 48 hours? Pah, most of that is just sitting around in your cabinet.

Why do Trad’r Vick and his lawyers keep calling you? Just ignore them.

You’ll want to start the last minute publicity for your drink unveiling. Be sure to rent a space of suitable gravitas and capacity for your needs. Invite everyone you know, sending simultaneous and identical tweets, facebook invitations, and email blasts.

Who is that knocking?

What? Trad’r Vick and a subpoena? Agh, they are trampling on your creativity! Saying they own the Tradermark to the Suffering Bastard! Not only that, but telling you your drink isn’t even a Suffering Bastard, the Suffering Bastard, they claim, properly contains: Trad’r Vick Mai Tai Mix, two kinds of Rum, and a cucumber peel garnish. Pah, don’t they know you are referencing the original Suffering Bastard, created by Joe Scialom during World War II at the Shepheard’s Hotel in Cairo, Egypt? Philistines!

Well, you’ll show them, change the name of your drink, it bears no resemblance to their crappy “original” Suffering Bastard anyway. In honor of your self, you call it the Poor Long Suffering Mixologist, or P.L.S.M., for short.

Aged Spirits ready, Ginger Beer on tap, you’re ready to go. The last thing you need to do is source the fresh ingredients.

Be sure and spare no expense finding the exact correct variety of mint for this. Thyme Mint, Bergamot Mint, whatever you think will work best.

Not to mention finding the most obscure variety of lime or citrus. I’d suggest thinking about Seville Oranges or perhaps Rangpur Limes.

Nearly ready, all your friends have replied and are showing up. The bar or concert hall is primed for your 100% hand made, self aged, craft cocktail PLSM!

Oh, but we’ve forgotten the ice! Only the best! Be sure and only use the purest virgin spring water, and freeze it in such a way it is perfectly clear! Then hand carve it to order!

Last minute details, last minute details!

Maybe you should try the drink?

Oh, bleah, this really isn’t a very good drink. You know, the Suffering Bastard wasn’t very good to start out with, and it tastes like you’ve actually made it worse. What were you thinking?

Notify your publicist, stop the presses, call off your event. Well, when life hands you lemons, it’s time to, to… Write about it. You’re going to write a book (or blog) about your cocktail adventure, instead of actually serving drinks. That’s where the REAL money is!

I think that qualifies as a post about Niche Spirits, don’t you?

Thanks to Adventures in Cocktails for hosting!

MxMo LVIII: Favorite Niche Spirit

Check out their site for more posts on similar themes.