So. Most people that meet me think I’m a pretty relaxed non-competitive kind of guy.
You know, that’s bullshit.
I’m actually an incredibly and annoyingly competitive guy.
Sometimes passive aggressive.
It’s just that a lot of the people I hang with, and sometimes myself, don’t notice until well after the fact.
I have been over to people’s houses. Had kind of crappy food. Noted it consciously or subconsciously.
Months, or years, later, I have caught myself improving their dishes and trying to serve it back to them when they were visiting my house. Pretty shitty. I’m not proud, but sometimes I have to police myself even if others don’t notice.
I was chatting with a friend who participates in cocktail competitions, and he was saying stuff like, “taste is subjective,” and, “you just can’t take that sort of thing personally.”
And I’m like, “Bullshit.”
Sure. You do your day job. Whatever. It rolls off your back.
When you put yourself and your taste out there it matters. And when you fuck up or when people don’t get it, it hurts.
In general, my life philosophy has been to avoid pain.
Sometimes this has meant avoiding risk taking.
Not to be all dramatic about it or anything. But maybe I should think about that.